I’ve been in the next phase IOP where I have my cell phone again and bit more freedom for about a week I think
I’m doing amazing and loving it but of course there’s just one demon left to confront I feel and it’s been long overdue
I’m on day 36 I believe and I’m actually in a treatment center for the first time and couldn’t love it more. NA is amazing and the rehab I’m at I’m so blessed. I think I may be creating a life out here and only visit SI. I’ve been working on all of my issues of insecurities reasons why I’ve used and every problem I surpressed. Especially my awkwardness and social problems definitely my anxiety too and each day at a time fixing myself. I do not have my phone until I reach the IOP (outpatient) program and no internet access but I’m on a pass because my mother is visiting and I’m at my grandparents house in Florida. I love it here though I was so homesick at first but I accepted I’ll always be an addict and have a problem but I’m finally taking action and doing something about it. I can not access this again until I get my phone I’m pretty sure but wanted to share this.
It’s all starting to sink in now and hit me it’s real this is really happening. A mix of excitement and scared. Leaving for a year. A year to fix my life and recover.
Everyday is same shit different day and I’ve always wanted something new but maybe I like that same old shit and just scared of change since I know I won’t be home anymore no more bedroom I’ve barely settled in or basement I’ve began redoing as a way to occupy myself and dead that past actually turn it into a nice part of the house for everyone. I just woke up to grab my drink as usual every couple hours after I sleep lately and just felt the oh fuck what have I done type of mind set just trying to avoid it tell myself this may be what’s best and sleep it off a bit longer .